Monday, March 28, 2011

To my dearest Meesa

Six months together was too short.

Our time together didn't have to end so soon... If only I had been a bit more careful.

Yes, I blame myself, baby...

There are a lot of things going on inside my head... A lot of "ifs"; a lot of "should haves" but thinking about them now will not bring you back to me. Not now, not ever.

I have wronged you in so many ways, Meesa, that no amount of tears shed will be enough to make up for what I have failed yo do: protect you.

It will take some time to get used to you not being around... I won't call out "Meesa!" anymore when I come home from work.. I won't be able to rub your tummy anymore... I won't annoy you during daylight when you're fast asleep, curled up like a ball inside the mugs that you've made your home... No more late-night cabbage and pechay snacks either. Tatay doesn't need to wake me up early in the morning anymore because you've magically gotten out of your cage and he can't put you back in because you scratched and bit him - and I was the only one whom you'd accept handling from...

Suddenly, that space in the counter where you're cage used to be in feels a lot more empty than it already is..

I remember everything about you so vividly. Meesa. The memories I have of you are very much alive that the mere thought of how you'd call me, or nibble at my finger, or jump and glide towards me... Everything is too painful to recall, baby.

I'm really, truly sorry if I wasn't able to do anything to stop this accident. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to take care of you better, or if the time I spent with you was not enough. I'm sorry if I didn't run to your aid when you were calling. I'm really, really sorry if I failed you, Meesa.

Don't worry though, we'll see each other again. Just wait for me and Daddy and the rest of your brothers and sisters, okay, babe? It won't be too long until we're together again, so until that time, just keep watching over us, okay, Mees?

I love you.

In memory of Meesa...
(September 5, 2010 - March 26, 2011)

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